The Sunday night pep talk you need
Or every night pep talk. I got you!
I totally love and I totally hate this line from the book I’m reading:
“My experience has been that the man is usually made by the situation.”
I love and hate this line because I’m realizing it is so true. And that both deeply annoys and deeply empowers me. Allow me to explain why with two examples from my life. (And then, yes, I will explain the book.)
Example 1
I felt I had to “grow up fast” in the first few weeks of my LDS mission. I arrived in Virginia expecting to be paired with an experienced, confident missionary who could show me the ropes. Nervous and homesick, I craved a strong teacher and a friend. I didn’t find that. Then my next two companions were also only as experienced as I was. The weeks stretched into months as I kept waiting for someone to show me how to do this! Week after week I felt thrust into something I wasn’t ready for.
Example 2
Through a chain of rapid fire and very unexpected events, I was promoted to managing editor.
You lovely people need to understand that I really never even considered promotion. There were too many people ahead of me. I was so sure I would stay in my position. (Nor, frankly, did I really want any of that added responsibility. I am a great grunt worker).
But then within the course of one week everything about my job changed and suddenly I was in charge—but I felt no more prepared to be in charge! Like on my mission, I craved someone who was confident about how to do things. Someone to teach me. And while I certainly had people to support me at work, I didn’t feel ready or qualified to do this. It was just happening. My family congratulated me and I was grateful, but I was also a little upset. I wanted to feel confident! Not scared! Please, universe, give me something I can actually do.
The Point
I’ve felt this way other times in life too, thrust into something I don’t think I’m ready for. Something that feels unfair and uncomfortable. Like I had to jump from level 1 to level 5 immediately.
(I imagine motherhood feels like that. One second you have a big belly and the next you have this tiny, weeping creature and you only know so much about how to care for them. But this precious little thing needs you 24/7 and you just have to figure it out. Level 1 to 5, indeed.)
Well, ladies and gents, I am realizing that unfortunately, feeling thrust into a situation for which you are not ready is just life. We will be in I-don’t-know-but-trying-to-figure-it-out mode for the rest of our lives.
DANG IT.
But, not all is lost. In fact, not knowing what I’m doing might actually be one of the best situations to be in. These frustrating, seemingly unfair circumstances are a gift—a really good gift.
Why you may ask? Excellent question. Time to circle back to our book quote.
King Elend
I am reading the second book in Brandon Sanderson’s Mistborn series. In this part of the book, a man named Elend has recently become king to a very precarious kingdom. He is a good man who wants to rule justly, but his people don’t trust him and he faces many powerful enemies. Our boy is very stressed. In speaking to one his friends Elend says, “I want to be good at this, …I want to—need to—be a man that others can look to.”
And in response his friend says, “My experience has been that the man is usually made by the situation.”
I believe what the friend says is right. I hate that because I personally would like to walk into situations in life feeling ready. Who doesn’t want to have a comfortable plan to follow? Or at least feel qualified to answer questions, make a plan, and work hard toward solutions. Rather than feeling like this is all on fast-forward and you need the teacher to go back a few slides because you clearly missed something!
On the flip side, I also love what Elend’s friend says. I somehow find the idea very soothing. Very right. I think for most of my life I expected to feel ready for things which lead me to feel a little victimized when I didn’t. Life felt unfair and I was mad at it. I really tried hard to do things right, so why do I feel so unprepared??
But the idea that it is the situation that makes the woman puts everything in a different light. It’s not that I show up to life great, but that through life I become something greater. Some things (an unfortunate many things) are only learned through experience.
That’s not to say that preparation isn’t important—it just only takes you so far. It’s not your fault (or God’s fault for that matter) when you feel stretched beyond your ability. That feeling is actually a gift. You are being made into something you weren’t before.
In my book, Elend is not now a great king, but he has been handed very ideal, albeit very difficult, circumstances to become great.
And while we aren’t handed kingdoms, we are handed jobs, relationships, babies, trials, the list goes on, so that we can become great. We need this. Our situations will make us who we are.
Love that. (And a little bit hate that.)
I’m working on seeing being thrust into difficult, stretching situations as a gift. What if we reframed our most unfair moments as the most weighty opportunities? What if I stopped being intimidated by challenges because I’m not good enough, and instead saw them as a welcome path to improvement? This situation will make me. I don’t have to be “made” right now.
This way of thinking may also help relieve anxiety. Rather than fretting over if you will be ready, acknowledge that you won’t be and that is totally OK. You are allowed to learn from situations. You don’t always have to nail it.
Remember, when a prophet didn’t feel like he had what it takes for his situation, the Lord told him,
“I give unto men weakness that they may be humble; and my grace is sufficient for all men that humble themselves before me; for if they humble themselves before me, and have faith in me, then will I make weak things become strong unto them.”
Anyway, I hope that helps anyone feeling out of their element. You are likely right where you belong. And I testify freely and easily that Heavenly Father loves you and will be there to help.
Love you!
If you enjoyed that, you may also love this.
Extra Blossoms
My favourite general conference talk: “God’s Favourite.” My favourite quote:
When we don’t feel the warmth of divine love, it hasn’t gone away. God’s own words are that “the mountains shall depart, and the hills be removed; but [His] kindness shall not depart from [us].” So, just to be clear, the idea that God has stopped loving should be so far down the list of possible explanations in life that we don’t get to it until after the mountains have left and the hills are gone!
The video embedded in this article gave me happy feelings: ‘It was exhilarating’: YouTuber’s emotional reaction to Tabernacle Choir goes viral
And why I’m thinking of the initiatory ordinance differently now: The initiatory ordinance is beautifully relevant to daily life—here’s how