Did Star Trek just save my mental state?

An epiphany about losing in life

I still can’t believe my gorgeous vision board didn’t guarantee success.  

A few weeks ago, we had a cover shoot up Provo Canyon for the next issue of LDS Living. I led out organizing not only the location, date, and time but also the vision. I carefully thought through and then articulated the emotion we wanted to portray and shared it with the subject and photographer. I scoured the internet for photos that could serve as inspiration and made an extensive vision board.

The night before the shoot (which started at 7:30 a.m. and hour way from me), I gathered everything we might need from water bottles and sunscreen to hair spray and a brush. I left my house on time. Got to the meeting place early. During the shoot, I was assertive, not hesitating to speak up or reach in and fix something. Your girl was focused. 

So I drove home from the shoot feeling satisfied and confident. I’d done all I could to prepare and execute, so that meant we would get the sort of cover image that makes me beam with pride the instant I see it… right? Because when you do your very best, things always work out … right? 

Well, fast forward about a week later and things were not working out. We did get amazing photos from the shoot, but (due to a variety of details I won’t bore you with) my perfect cover shot did not rise to the surface. I certainly had adequate options. We weren’t going to have to redo the shoot, but my original vision wasn’t going to work out.

And my vision was so cool!! It would’ve moved the magazine forward! And I’d worked so hard to bring it to life!! Now I was so frustrated. I had to let my plan go, come up with what felt like a second best option, and please all invested parties. And do it all on a really tight schedule. Oh, and I didn’t handle the contract/legal part of things correctly so there was a whole annoying hup-a-balo about that.

By the afternoon I was feeling so blah. Apparently my best efforts are not good enough. It would be one thing if I’d intentionally been sloppy about something, taken a shortcut. Or if I came to work late everyday. Or if I’d somehow cheated on something. But I didn’t!! I’m not trying to say I am a perfect employee, but I had tried really hard to be a good one in this situation and it didn’t seem to be working out. 

So I should probably give up and find something easier to do that I won’t mess up on. Someone else should do this… right?

Because I was working from home while all of this was going down, Adam got to watch my breakdown step by step. (Lucky him!!!!) Near the end of the day, I bemoaned how deeply frustrated I was that I simply wasn’t good enough. My best was not enough to get what I wanted. I wanted to give up.

Then sweet, dear, patient Adam said something so perfect I felt like I should pay him for his services. 

“Em, it’s like what they say in that episode of Star Trek: ‘It is possible to commit no mistakes and still lose.’”

I was so dumbstruck by that statement I forgot to call him a nerd for quoting Star Trek. 

Adam then nerdishly quickly found the right clip from the show on YouTube. WATCH IT.

OK, for you cute rebels who didn’t obey instructions, here is a quick recap of the important parts of the video:

Captain Picard wants Data, his first officer, to help him try and solve a problem. But Data is hiding down in his living quarters because he thinks he will make a mistake. Data wants the captain to pick a new first officer. 

“YOU are my first officer,” Captain Picard says passionately (that line is when I started crying, personally).

“I have not been able to isolate the problem, sir. I might make a mistake,” says Data.

“Yes, you might. But that does not alter your duty to me and to this ship,” Captain Picard says. Then he reminds Data that he does have what it takes to at least try and solve this problem. Captain Picard says he will wait for Data’s answer upstairs, and he turns to leave. 

Then he stops at the doorway and delivers our golden line: “It is possible to commit no mistakes and still lose. That is not a weakness. That is life.’”

I am not kidding when I say that when heard that, I could physically feel the anxiety draining from my body. I cried.

Ladies, we are going to lose. We are going to sweat and pray and cry and try and then lose. That is life! Not a weakness! It OK! It’s not a sign that you should resign your post and give up. It’s not a sign you deserve a mental beating of your own inflicting. It’s not a sign that you will never measure up. Life is full of things you can’t control. I think we have to just keep going and realize that “success isn’t the absence of failure, but going from failure to failure without any loss of enthusiasm,” as the saying goes.

It makes me think of a day on my mission when I switched companions for the day. We did this routinely to learn from each other. In this situation, I was supposed to be the leader. But our day was a total bust. It poured rain. No one answered the door. I don’t know if we talked to a single person.

At the end of the day, I expressed some frustration about how poorly the day had gone and wondered aloud what we must’ve done wrong.

My very wise companion turned to me and said something like, “Sister Abel, do you think if we were more faithful somehow our day would have gone better?” I don’t remember exactly what I said, but it was something along the lines of yes, I do think that if I was better the day would have been different.  

She immediately disagreed with me. “Sometimes days are just like this. It’s really not your fault.”

Profound! Plans just don’t plan some days. It doesn’t mean you need to reassess your whole existence.

Now of course, this doesn’t mean that our actions doesn’t matter. I am a firm believer that you reap what you sow. Consistent acts of faith lead will eventually lead to incredible results. But I have to start allowing room for things to not always pan out like I thought they would, even if I’ve sowed ever so carefully.

As Jenkins Lloyd Jones put it, “Life is like an old-time rail journey—delays, sidetracks, smoke, dust, cinders, and jolts, interspersed only occasionally by beautiful vistas and thrilling bursts of speed.

“The trick is to thank the Lord for letting you have the ride.”

The delays, sidetracks, and cinders we face aren’t frustrating evidence that we incapable of following the plan, they are the plan, shaping you into a more capable, compassionate, and resilient person than you were before. I am grateful to be on the ride of life for the opportunity to learn and change not to perform and impress. 

And like Captain Picard reminded Data, you, right now, as you are, do have what it takes to contribute.

YOU are God’s daughter.

YOU have a glorious duty to fulfill on earth.

YOU are allowed to lose.

And I know that in partnership with Jesus Christ, I can always overcome my losses. 

“Because of our covenant with God, He will never tire in His efforts to help us, and we will never exhaust His merciful patience with us. Each of us has a special place in God’s heart. He has high hopes for us,” as President Nelson says.

So you know what? I am going to have high hopes for myself. I am not going to give up on my opportunities, but carry on with enthusiasm. After all, if I am good enough for the task at hand isn’t a question God was ever asking. He always gently invites me to keep going, keeping trying, keep believing.

(And maybe I am going to watch more Star Trek??????)

p.s.—if you liked that, you may also like this: “The most soothing Taylor Swift lyric that I find enormously helpful in these 3 situations”