When Em Falls in Love
Yes, that is a Taylor reference. Welcome to my little love story.
Hello! I interrupt our scheduled program (namely, “3 realization that make everything about dating easier”) because Adam and I have been married for 6 months today! So here’s our little love story, especially aspects of it that I hope will brighten your heart. < 3
Falling in love with Adam was somehow the hardest and scariest and easiest and dreamiest thing I’ve ever done. Or did it happen to me—the falling in love? That is the interesting thing about marriage: it can’t happen unless you try, but also all your best efforts can make it happen either. So while I am not trying to toot my own horn here, at the same time I gotta say that I feel proud of the work, the stretching, the emotional vulnerability and everything else both Adam and I had to do to reach the point of marriage.
And I will always be deeply, deeply, grateful for the forces outside of ourselves and totally beyond our control that brought us together. So without further ado, here are all the juicy details about how Adam and I fell in love and were married.
Adam and I moved within a few blocks of each other in Salt Lake City in August 2020. He was attending the University of Utah and I was doing an internship with the Liahona magazine. In case seeing the numbers “2020” didn’t trigger you, I’ll remind you that the pandemic was still in full swing at this point. So the friend-making game, and dating-game, was real weak.
Church has always been my main source of finding friends, but we were only going to sacrament meeting and then were asked to quickly leave the building to minimize spread of disease. So there wasn’t any time for mingling. After everyone made it home, we would hold the second hour of church via Zoom.
A few weeks into this routine, my two awesome roommates and I noticed that Adam and his roommates were always online for those second hour meetings. So we messaged them over the Zoom chat. I know—a real cute meet. At this point, we really were just looking for friends. I actually didn’t even think of Adam in a romantic sense until a fateful September day the next year . . . but we’ll get to that.
Anyway, that message led to us having game nights with Adam and his roommate Kobe. The five of us would go over to each other’s apartments to laugh and have a good time. And it was really fun! Adam and Kobe were great guys, if not a little dorky sometimes. Me and my roommates really, really liked them, but going on dates was never really on anyone’s mind.
And that went on for about a year. We’d later hang out at church once restrictions lifted, we celebrated each other’s birthdays (I made Adam an epic Pokemon cake that I really wish I had a picture of), and kept playing games. During that time, we all went on dates with different people. And I honestly, really never thought of pursuing Adam romantically. I look back now and I have NO IDEA how I didn’t see him with heart eyes sooner. Like, it seriously baffles me.
In the summer of 2021, Adam did call and invite me to go to a Real soccer game with some of his cousins. Looking back, we’ve decided to call that was our first date, because it was more of a date, but it was very casual and it didn’t change much about our relationship.
Throughout all of this, I was the most grumpy camper when it came to dating. I was so anxious I wouldn’t ever be married. Judge me how you will on that, but I was terrified.
And things only got much worse when my younger sister was married in May 2021. I felt completely out of control and was so nervous about the future that, try as I might, I couldn’t enjoy her special time and was kind of a jerk.
It’s hard to be happy for someone when you feel like crying all the time.
I know it can be done, but I certainly didn’t do it. But I try to give myself grace when I look back on that. I hope I did my best, even if my best was pathetic. And gratefully, Amy is a forgiving person and our relationship came out stronger in the end, even if I had a hard time talking to her for months.
So while I watched her get married, all I could think about was how far away that was for me. I had no leads. I remember my mom asking me, “Is there really no one in your ward you’d want to go out with?” And in sad sincerity, I told her that there really, really wasn’t. (Which, I might add, was quite depressing to say out loud.) I was at square one. 26.2 miles to go. No anything in sight.
And then in one day, everything changed.
In an effort to stave off my loneliness, I tried to organize an evening hike on a weekend. I texted at least six or seven people. And it ended up that the only person who wanted to come was Adam. So we went.
I can still remember what I was wearing. My light blue wide legged jeans and my pink Star Valley half marathon shirt. My hair was in a ponytail. I was not dressed to impress, and why would I be? This was just my good friend Adam.
I picked him up in the small brown pick-up truck I was driving at the time. And we headed to Gloria Falls up Little Cottonwood Canyon. The hike was beautiful and the weather nice. We had a great time just talking about whatever.
One thing I do remember is that he told me all about the premise for his favorite video game on the way up, and I honestly was impressed by how he described the story. I felt like we were talking about literature. On the way back down, I ended up telling him about some of my dating history. Then in the car ride back to the city we talked about our missions. And it was all so REFRESHING. I felt so good afterward. Not giggly or flirty or butterflies in my stomach or anything like that, I just felt good—really happy.
And slowly over the next few days Adam began to look different to me.
I realized that I now had a crush on him. A big fat one. And I had this crazy drive to do something about it. I say crazy, because (as we all know) dating takes a lot of energy. You really have to go out there and make it happen. Shoot your shot as they say. But it didn’t feel like that this time. Chasing Adam wasn’t something I should do. Even “wanted to do” isn’t the right phrasing. Chasing him was something I needed to do.
So I did. I arranged another time for us to be alone (we went on a walk around the International Peace Gardens in Salt Lake) and then back at his apartment I just flat-out told him I had a crush on him.
Really not the most elegant moment of my life, though.
I definitely caught him off guard and he didn’t know what to say. I think maybe he said “thank you”? I laugh about it now, but at the time it was so awkward and disheartening. But that’s the thing about dating! Most of the time there just aren’t perfect moments where the whole world shimmers and you can’t stop smiling. Usually you just fumble around and try not to fall down … too hard. The rest of that evening was fine. We watched a movie and held hands for maybe the last 15 minutes of it. So awkward.
The next day, I cried in the car about it to a friend because I was frustrated after feeling so sure that I had to do something about this—and frustrated because I still felt like I should do something about it! Not only because I had already set things in motion by telling Adam I had a crush on him, but because everything in me was still saying to go forward.
We went out a few more times after my crush confession, but then he kind of intentionally, kind of unintentionally, ghosted me. (I learned later he had a lot of things pile up his life right then, so he get’s a free pass for sure). He stopped responding to my invitations to come to even group events and he just wasn’t around at church activities as much.
So there were a good couple of weeks when I thought we were just totally done. I felt like I had done all I could and that it was probably time to give it up. I couldn’t make him like me or have time for me. And at this point, I was happy for an escape from the emotional effort I’d been putting out.
And then around Thanksgiving, Adam stopped me after a volleyball game and asked me out. I was honestly so surprised. And happy. But mostly surprised since I really had decided that it was time to let that dream die.
We then went out pretty consistently for the next couple months, but still were taking things really slow. Or at least what felt really slow!!
I think part of what made it feel slow was that I had felt so sure it was going to work— “work” being that we would be boyfriend and girlfriend, I’m not sure I thought really clearly that we were going to get married. I just felt good about the idea of dating. So while those months of going out were fun, I was also anxious, wanting to fast forward through it all and just know if it was going to work.
Not the best mindset, I realize that. But maybe some of you can relate. When it came to dating, I was super not a finding-joy-in-the-journey kind of lady.
If I may go on a quick tangent, I think dating is a valuable experience because it pushes you to learn at least something about finding joy in the journey. Because if all you can think about every time you are with a boy is “Will this work out? Does he love me yet? Is there something I should be doing to take us to the next step?” you are not likely going to be able to relax. So, as Taylor would tell us, Breathe in, breathe through. Breathe deep, breathe out. And maybe put some mental energy toward living in the moment, because as I once heard, feelings of overwhelm are a symptom of not being present.
(I’ll write more about it one day, but faith in Jesus Christ makes it way easier to live the present. He’s got you, so you can lighten that worry load.)
We still weren’t officially boyfriend and girlfriend leading up to Valentine's Day of 2022. And not to be a diva or anything, but I was really hoping (expecting really) that Adam would make a move. And to my utter delight, he showed up at my apartment during my lunch break with a bouquet of pink, yellow, and red roses. And, drumroll please … we kissed! FINALLY. And since I do follow my own advice (sometimes), soon after kissing I initiated a DTR, and we were officially dating. I was so excited! And believe me, boyfriend Adam is a really, really cute situation.
As I write this, I realize I can’t possibly give you every detail of it all, so many little conversations and moments, both of stress and joy. But I do, of course, have one more thing I must tell you before we get to the engagement.
The “I love you” day.
I’d never told a boy “I love you” before. Never wanted to. But by mid-summer with Adam, I reallllyy wanted to. But I also reallllyy wanted him to say it first. Call me prideful, call me scared, but I wanted this one to come from him first. So I waited. And when it happened it was absolutely one of those moments when glitter could have fallen from the sky and I wouldn’t have questioned it. A moment that made my brain so fuzzy I wondered if I should be allowed behind the wheel. A moment I will watch on replay in heaven. Here’s what happened.
One of Adam’s mission companions got married mid-summer so we went to the reception on Ogden. The reception was held in a church gym, but for all the haters of church gym wedding reception out there—it had all the warmth and love and happiness you could want in a wedding. The couple was from Argentina and Mexico so the food and music were delightful.
I remember I wore the dress I bought for my sister’s wedding. My hair was curled and I wore pink heels. An ideal outfit to be told “I love you” in.
For logistical reasons, Adam and I had driven separately to the church. So after the reception we stood around his car chatting. And these are his exact words because they are seared into by brain forever:
Him: “You know, I’m really falling for you.”
Me: “Yeah?”
Him: “Yeah, in fact, I love you.”
Me: “Yeah?” *while literally going a little limp against the side of the car.
Him: “Yeah.”
Me: “That’s good.” *I stare at him for a few seconds. “Oh! I love you, too!”
Then by some miracle I drove myself home safely. (Fuzzy ‘I love you’ brains are not good drivers.)
A few weeks later I wrote this in my phone, and it is too cute not to share: “I didn’t realize how much fun it would be to break the ‘I love you’ barrier. I feel so free and so happy. No longer held back by the fear of not knowing if we are out of the woods yet, or if it is still too delicate to put weight on. Now I can throw myself at this with joy and confidence. And for the first time in three years—with hope. I love this, I love this, I love this.”
A million little conversations and decisions later, two kids in t-shirts and jeans went to the diamond store where I picked out a ring in about two seconds because I knew exactly what I wanted. Small heart-cut diamond. Solid gold band. I cried little tears on and off the whole time.
Then about a month later in a garden that is now one my favorite spots in the world, Adam went down on one knee.
When Adam and I tell the story about how we fell in love, people sometimes say things to me like, “Aren’t you glad now that you shot your shot?” But it didn’t even feel like a choice. He was just the one I couldn’t let get away. That was just an indisputable fact in my mind. Adam was the crush that wouldn’t dissolve. The excitement that wouldn’t bubble down. He and I together seemed like the most natural thing in the world. So no, it didn’t feel like a leap or a shot, but like a gliding ride along a River’s steady, familiar, chartered, if sometimes a little bumpy, course.
I believe you, too, are on a chartered course; don’t ever let the bumpy parts convince you otherwise.
Bonus Blossoms
Hi! This is where I share a few random things I love, hopefully to add a little extra pink to swirl around your day.
A few weeks after we got married, I wrote a little article called “The only marriage advice I really needed (that might help you too)” for LDS Living. And not to too my own horn, but it broke some records on Instagram. So maybe try that for a cute read!
I read this 2020 general conference talk this week and was deeply touched: “The Exquisite Gift of the Son” Really, really beautiful truths said in a really, really beautiful way (well, beautifully said after you get passed the first paragraph lol).