What if I never say these 3 things again?

1. I don’t have time.

First things first: look at this adorable, derpy chocolate chip. (Artfully poised on my knee.)

Don’t you want to reach out and hug him? (This is for sure a boy chocolate chip.) 

I am not at all embarrassed to admit that I sat and stared at this little cutie for a minute one afternoon this week. We had a connection. And then I ate him. haha.

If you ever feel like this chocolate chip—full of sweetness and potential but also a little droopy and derpy—you aren’t alone, my dears. I think we are all actually that chocolate chip.

Anyway, that opening story has nothing to do with what I want to write about today. It was just too cute and funny to not share. What I do want to write about are a few phrases I would love to eradicate from my vernacular. 

The version of me that doesn’t say these things is a wise, loving, warm, but also mysterious mature lady who lives in a small, well-kept cottage that smells like lemon-lavender and is amply but tastefully decorated with wildflowers and adorable knick-knacks that make you stop and “awwww!” every couple of steps. Her name is also probably Cordelia Sharp and she holds a series of headstands on a pier every morning as mist rolls across the lake behind her cottage. 

I digress. 

Basically, I think it would be really cool if I didn’t say these things. Let’s go.

1. “I don’t have enough time.”

Raise your hand if you’ve said some version of this sentence? *looks around room to see all hands up* Thank you for your solidarity.

Feeling short on time is totally natural and sometimes plain unavoidable. I’m not trying to make anyone feel guilty. I am just wondering … is there another way? Could I not feel like I never quite got enough done all day despite my efforts to hustle? I would really, really like to believe so. 

I get this feeling of nice-try-but-not-enough-done mostly at work. But it pops up in other situations as well: there is always another house chore to do or friend to reach out to or meal to cook or random adulting task to be done. And rather than feeling content over what I did do, I often get hung up on what I didn’t do.

And what kind of mindset is that?? Definitely not how headstand-holding Cordelia thinks.

I want to feel less rushed and more proud of my day’s work. (And time to rest and have fun is 100 percent part of a day’s work in my book.)

So when I heard the following quote on the Happiness Lab podcast, I felt like it was speaking to me, telling me what to do. This comes from author and journalist Oliver Burkeman:

“Ask yourself how much time you reasonably have available, and then decide what are the most important tasks to put into that box. 

“Maybe that strikes people as very obvious, but in fact I think what people instinctively do instead is the opposite. They get up in the morning and say, ‘What has to be done by the end of the day?’ paying no heed to the question of whether there’s actually enough time to do it, and then you make bad choices. You try to clear the decks, you try to do all the short stuff first, and you find you’ve got no time for the really important stuff. You end up feeling inadequate and dumb because you didn’t get through the list. And it’s just a sort of recipe for procrastination and psychodrama. So it's really just about saying, ‘This is the time that is available. Given that, what shall I do?’”

I think Oliver is watching me. “Feeling inadequate and dumb because you didn’t get through the list”? Literally me.

And that is why I love his advice so much. What if each morning we used precious time to think, what do I have time for today? Be realistic. Then you can go about your day with freedom knowing that you are living purposefully. We could be free from saying “I don’t have time” because we would have time! Time for everything on our careful agenda. Anything else doesn’t need to weigh on me today. 

Hello, sense of accomplishment! It is nice to see you again. I hope you’ll be staying awhile!

2. “I could never do that.” 

Ok, obviously there are things I will never do. We aren’t talking about morals here. 

I just never want to use this phrase to define myself in limiting ways. Maybe I would go bungee jumping or cage diving with sharks. Or, even scarier, maybe one day I will be brave enough to stand up to someone and tell them why what they say offends me and ask if we can work toward a better way to communicate. (ah! Just put me with the sharks!)

I want to stay open to adventure, bravery, new things, and vulnerability. Keeping my language open to possibility feels like a soft little baby step forward. 

It also just makes me a little sad when I hear women say this to compare themselves to someone else. For example, “Oh, I could never have her level of confidence” or “I could never start a business/go on a trip/take a stand like she did.” Yes! I want to shout. Yes, maybe you could! My big sister nature comes out and without stopping for one tiny minute to consider practicalities or logistics, I want to assure everyone they could do anything they ever wanted if they tried. 

So I am going to try and assure myself of that too.

3. “I can’t wait for this to be over.” 

There’s this scene from High School Musical 3 that rolls through my brain on a regular basis. Gabrielle is with her mom outside on her balcony, lamenting all the changes coming her way after graduation. (Side note: does anyone else still absolutely pine for a balcony outside their room like the one Gabrielle had?? So dreamy.)

Gabrielle’s mom says something that I think is quite profound for Disney channel: “High school feels like the world when you’re in it.”

So true! And not just high school. Your current job can feel like the whole world. Or your health challenge. Or your season of dating or mothering or anything else. It’s not that those things aren’t important and real, we just have a hard time seeing past them. We forget how much more world and life is to come. 

Our brains are apparently limited in how much we can really envision change.

Take fall for example. Everyone gets so giddy every time summer ends and fall arrives. This happens every year at about the same time, and yet we are so delighted by it! The cool fall air absolutely invigorates me. The color orange never looked more beautiful. Pumpkins pop back into existence and we fawn over them.

Some lovely fall sunflowers I gathered! Don’t mind the one getting swallowed by the vase haha. I accidently cut his stem too short. But he still deserved a good life!

I think part of the reason why is because we thought the hot summer would never end. We lived in a world of sun and heat and could only imagine a world of sun and heat. I, at least, am incapable of mentally transporting myself to a nice, crisp autumn day when it’s 101 degrees outside. Even knowing it will come, I can’t picture it.

We live in our current landscapes, forgetting seasons always change. 

And because of that, I would love to get better at appreciating my seasons. Of course some will be more pleasant than others. But they will always come and go. So rather than trying to rush my metaphorical winter out the door, what if I tried to appreciate its virtues and found peace by trying to remember that it will change.

I’ve always loved Ecclesiastes 3:1 and 4: “To every thing there is a season, and a time to every purpose under the heaven: … A time to weep, and a time to laugh; a time to mourn, and a time to dance.” 

The season you are living in has purpose. Or, more accurately said, Jesus Christ can help you turn this season into something beautiful. Every phase of life can leave you changed just a little bit more for the better when you stick close to Him.

So deep breathe in, audible exhale out. Seek to enjoy the unique beauties of your season. They may be whisked away sooner than you think, leaving you somehow suddenly missing what was once so thoroughly … normal. 

Love you!

Extra Blossoms

A few fun links for ya …

1. In the first 10-ish minutes of this podcast, they talk about an “LDS Living editor.” THAT WAS ME. I was listening while in an hours-long baking fervor last Sunday. My cream cheese covered fingers froze mid air when I realized they were talking about me. And I’ve listened to this podcast like one other time, so what are the odds? 

2. Speaking of fall baking fervors, might I recommend these melt-in-your-mouth pumpkin cookies? (for sure double the spices!)

3. “Ponder this compelling question next time you want revelation” An article I wrote for LDS Living that could easily find a home on Under the Pink Tree.

4. This insight on Sariah from the Book of Mormon both blew my mind and made my heart swell with love, gratitude, and pride for women in the scriptures.