My favorite name

No, not for baby boy

Today in young women’s class at church, we talked about our favorite names of Christ. Mine comes from Hebrews 12:2:

“Looking unto Jesus the author and finisher.”

I found that verse four-ish years ago when I was writing what I’d imagined would be a book. A total flurry of excitement took over me for a year (dramatic, I know). For hours each week, I’d sit on my bed in Salt Lake City and write away on my ideas. I’d started with a table of contents and wanted so much to get down all the points I’d come up with.

When everything was written, I wanted to pitch it to Deseret Book. But scary! My flurry of excitement was replaced with fear that if this didn’t go anywhere, then all those hours would’ve been a waste of time. My twenties would just not be cool enough. And how embarrassing to pitch something in the very office where I work and then get turned down?

Amid those thoughts and feelings, I found Hebrews 12:2. Jesus is an author and a finisher. Reading that made me feel so seen. I felt like God was saying, “I know you care so much about these words you’ve written, so I care about them too. And I want you to finish this, to see it through.” I couldn’t control whether or not the book was published, but I could be a finisher.

So I made an appointment with the acquisition director. Scary! She and I had a nice chat, and she agreed to look at my manuscript. A few weeks later, she super kindly turned it down. But that was OK. Truly and really OK. I’d finished something that I cared so much about, and that was enough. And Heavenly Father was aware of and proud of me. My twenties were certainly going to be cool enough for Him ;)

Sharing that experience in class today, I felt so full of love from Heavenly Father. It was like Jesus was there whispering in my ear that He knows I’m in the tough final stretch before another finish line. Baby boy is due in about eight weeks. Jesus knows I’m scared. And so tired. And sick of fighting back the heartburn that sets my esophagus on fire every day and makes it feel like I’m going to throw up. He knows about my weird dreams and nightmares. My aching pelvis and core. How deeply anxious I feel about taking on the next journey of a newborn baby.

In class today, He whispered to me that He knows what it feels like to finish something hard. His last words on this earth, spoken from a cross, were literally, “It is finished.” And because the Savior finished His mission, He is uniquely capable to help me finish mine. He has been and will be with me every step. I felt so warm and fuzzy and calm and happy inside—feelings that don’t come as easily to me right now when my body is so uncomfortable and my mind so overwhelmed.

This Christmas I’m grateful that the baby born in a manger finished everything He said He would. I’m grateful Jesus has never and will never leave anything unfinished. Today, I feel joy in the opportunity to try and be more like Him by finishing something hard.

Merry Christmas!

Where my mind was at last Christmas: