Letting my grass be green enough

Maybe our lives don't need fixing

I had an interesting “conversation” with my dental hygienist recently. (As much of a conversation as you can have while getting your teeth cleaned.)

The hygienist was a very nice woman who I’m guessing is in her late 40s. She asked me what I do for work, and I told her I do writing and editing for Deseret Book. She thought that was very cool and began to tell me how she sometimes wished she’d gone into religious writing. As she scraped and poked, she rather wistfully talked about how fun, varied, and meaningful my work must be. She acknowledged that her work as a dental hygienist was a way to serve people, but she didn’t seem that convinced.

While she talks, I’m laying there thinking that while, yes, aspects of my job are meaningful and great, it isn’t a smooth sailing, wow-I-just-love-this-everyday! sort of scenario. I get stressed out frequently. I have expectations to meet and people to please. I make mistakes. I fail to meet goals despite my best efforts. Just ask Adam (who I like to joke is LDS Living’s top consultant, despite not being qualified at all for the job)—I am frustrated with work all the time.

In fact, I have often (in moments of frustration) wished I’d become a dental hygienist! I have seriously thought that more than once. I imagine the routine of that job being pleasant. You get to see and briefly chat with people each day. You help them maintain a crucial part of their overall health. I don’t imagine you work overtime or weekends. You are part of a team and could take pride in becoming really good at your job. Maybe you could even travel and help underserved populations. It sounds like a great profession! I’ve really wished sometimes that I’d pursued it.

But here I was with a dental hygienist who was wishing she’d done what I do. And while I didn’t want to whine or sound ungrateful, I really wanted to tell her that my job isn’t always all that great. Or at least that she doesn’t need to spend any time regretting her own choices.

I kept that to myself, however, and left the dental office. But the conversation has me thinking: how much time do we spend totally convinced that our lives could be so much better if only we’d made a different choice? Do we believe there is an obviously superior existence that could have been ours but unfortunately we missed it or are messing it up somehow?

In short: do we trick ourselves into feeling guilty that we aren’t living on greener grass?

Today, I’d love to free us all from the burden of believing that there is a better life you are supposed to be enjoying if only you’d made different choices. Because the thing is, you don’t actually know if choosing a different major in college would have made you happier. You don’t know if that dream you didn’t pursue would’ve even gone anywhere. You don’t really know what it would be like to live somewhere else or do something else.

And you know only the smallest sliver about how someone else feels about their life. Your friend’s perfect job or marriage or kids that you quietly envy has its problems and frustrations too. I actually find it helpful to remember that no one is living this blissful, constantly fulfilling, daring, adventurous life that I pressure myself into believing is real and I should be able to achieve.

Maybe we’d feel better if instead of daydreaming about a far off field full of the most lush, healthy, perfect grass, we looked down at our feet. Wiggle your toes around in the grass you do have. This is your life—and it’s green enough. It’s good enough. Maybe you don’t need to climb the fence and leap to some perceived freedom you’ve imagined is on the other side.

Your glorious life is right here in between the eggs you always have for breakfast and the sandwich you always have for lunch.

So please, chase progress in your life, but don’t fall into the sad trap of believing that the next field over is way, way better and it's your fault you don’t have it. Try not to fantasize the outcome of a different decision.

And remember—social media will always convince you should have greener grass. I know I’ve spent too much time on Pinterest when I start to think that the meals I make aren’t healthy or fancy enough, that my apartment needs cuter decor, that my clothes really should be upgraded, and that I must start traveling immediately. It’s a different feeling than wanting those things—I feel guilty for not having them. My life starts to feel like something I should constantly be fixing instead of enjoying.

And who wants to feel like that?!

You can focus on enjoying your life, not just fixing it. Because after all, that greener grass you exhaust yourself chasing? It doesn’t exist. So go ahead and slow down, turn off your phone, and trust yourself. You are right where you need to be. Your living room, wardrobe, car, diet, hair, and a million other little things likely don’t need as much fixing as you sometimes think.

Your life doesn’t need fixing. It needs living.