2 goals I’m a little embarrassed to have
But that are working mental health wonders!
Hello, lovelies!
Happy pink tree season!!! I hope you are reveling in all these amazing blooms as much as I am! And I hope you are not sneezing your eyes out quite as hard as I am!
So these slightly embarrassing goals I have. They are so simple, but also quite awesome, if I do say so myself. Let’s get into it!
1. No Scrolling on the Toilet (Especially First Thing in the Morning)
Please tell me somebody out there finds this goal relatable. I’m not sure when I slipped into this habit, but for probably years now, I’ve taken my phone with me from the nightstand and into the bathroom first thing in the morning. Because apparently, my dear sweet, habitual brain thinks it's a good idea to look a news headlines within sixty seconds of arising.
It is not!
Not only do I always see something online that stresses me out, I also end up on the toilet longer than is really necessary :) With so many other lovely ways to spend time in the morning, butt cheeks glued to the porcelain god is just not making my list (anymore).
And there is some interesting science to support not checking your phone right away. I read this article from Forbes that had me saying “yes! That is exactly what happens to me!” So basically when you wake up, your brain switches from delta waves to theta waves and then on to alpha waves as you gradually become more awake and eventually reach beta waves. If you check your phone right away, you skip from delta waves right to beta.
And why does that matter? Forbes says because it “primes your brain for distraction” and “seeing or reading something negative first thing in the morning can trigger your stress response and put you on edge for the rest of the day.”
So true! If I can stay off headlines until later in the morning, I find myself way more likely to stay focused and on task at work during the day. And staying on task is actually the best! Getting into a nice state of flow at work makes me 1) more grateful for my job 2) much better at my job 3) happier at the end of the day.
So what am I doing instead of checking my phone while I pee? Well, nothing. I am going to do nothing. What a novel idea, right?!?
But afterward, I am taking President Nelson’s advice offered years ago in a talk aptly named “Joy Cometh in the Morning”:
“Our first noble deed of the morning should be a humble prayer of gratitude.”
2. No Gossiping While Telling Myself I’m Not Gossiping
OK, let me start off by saying that I’ve never identified as someone who likes to gossip. I really don’t. If a group of friends is having “fun” chatting a kinda rudely about someone, I get uncomfortable so fast and make my exit. I don’t even like TV shows or movies where there is a lot of gossip or bickering between characters.
But I have recently accepted the fact that I’d fallen into the habit of analyzing and subtly judging people’s choices/behavior—for no good reason! Which I realize sounds a lot like gossip, but I wasn’t doing it for a malicious purpose. I wasn’t actively trying to take anyone down. I just slipped into this not-uplifting pattern of conversation.
For example, driving home with Adam after a family gathering I’ll bring up what someone said, or a recent choice somebody made, solely for the purpose of dissecting it—and it’s always something I disagreed with. Like if a sibling mentioned a new hobby they picked up that I view as a waste of time or money, I feel the need to talk about it, couched by lots of qualifiers like, “But I’m not judging them” or “Of course, they can do what they want and it doesn’t really matter to me.” While really judging them just to make myself feel better about my own time and money wasting hobbies that are clearly superior ;).
And you know why I want to stop this basically gossiping in my life? It’s a little selfish, really—I want to be happier! Conversation centered on analyzing someone’s life is helpful about 0.000001% of the time, and there are so many better things to talk about!
So when I have the urge to bring up something about someone for really no good reason, I am trying to train myself to take a breath and choose a happier conversation topic. … like the fact that SO MANY trees are pink right now!! Including the one that inspired this blog!
My initial realization that I needed to stop gossiping came when I watched this Easter message from President Holland earlier this year. One line he spoke seemed to jump through the screen and into my heart. It didn’t induce guilt in any way. Instead it was an unmistakably clear message that this was one thing I could do right now in my life to follow Jesus Christ better. It was an exciting message that honestly made me feel loved and individually seen. Here is the quote from the video:
“It was required, indeed it was central to the significance of the Atonement, that this perfect Son who had never spoken ill nor done wrong nor touched an unclean thing had to know how the rest of humankind—us, all of us—would feel when we did commit such sins.”
So now I am trying to be a little better at not speaking ill :)
And the beautiful video if you’re in the mood:
I also love this message from Sister Becky Craven about the importance of our language: “The Dignity and Demeanor of Discipleship.” Here is a little taste:
“I am always uncomfortable when I hear someone talking negatively about one of God’s children, who are literally our brothers and sisters. With plenty of negative forces in the world tearing people down, we can be the counterforce to this type of marring.
As covenant-making disciples of Jesus Christ, we are in the spiritual business of building: Building character. Building each other up. Building a Zion society with the desire to love God and our neighbor.”
So those are my two little ways of making my corner of the world a little prettier right now.
Next week is Adam and I’s first anniversary, (WHAT?!?) so get ready for some SAP.